Forgiven.
The reason why I haven't blog in here for so long (by the way, it's 3 months) it's because I don't want myself to be reminded of anything to do with him. Simple. Period.Sometimes I do think of him and stuffs like that. The recent one (happened in May) that really made me blow up was when I knew he actually cheated on me. Remember Pastor Gordon said no relationship for a year, apparently Mark said he actually has have/had a girlfriend in March. That made me real pissed off cause where on earth can he find one? He is serving his NS during that time.
It really made me think real hard and the more I think the more I'm not eliminating the possibilities that he was two-timing me. I was real angry and I told Pastor Gordon that I regretted not to give him one tight slap that day when we sat on in the office 6 months back.
Anyway, my anger didn't last long. Apparently, it only took me a week to recover. Fast right? I was taken aback with my own response too when I look back. It shows that it really doesn't matter to me anymore.
2 Sundays back, I actually went up to him just to tell him that I don't want to carry the burden anymore cause it's too heavy for me to carry and I have totally forgiven him. His reaction was just one word 'ok'. And he went on saying that I was very brave and it certainly took me a lot of courage to say that to him.
In my heart I went "You mean you are admitting that you are a coward?" Anyway, it really shows how much I've grown out of it. My cell members saw it and they were happy for me. I feel happy too to be able to forgive someone who hurt me so deeply.
At least I know, I've learnt a lesson... A painful one...
I won't want to go through something like that ever again. Anyway, I have a covenant for 3 years. If I ever got into any relationship after I turn 21, it will all be recorded in here..
posted by Michelle @ 6/29/2005 01:04:00 AM
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