Take for instance, 3 Sept, most of us (the usual same youth group) went to record a video for Simon to bid him farewell. After that they planned to go some where else but nobody asked me. And all they asked was ' You working at 6pm today right? ' I told them who said that I needed to work on that day but they assumed that I was working. For 3 times they asked and confirmed by themselves that I needed to work at 6pm. I was really upset and pissed. You didn't ask a question, you made a statement.
Just last week, Chang Feng had been wanting to get Rachel's number. I didn't want to give him because I know him as a friend and a person. I don't want my friends to get hurt because of this kind of guy. For 3 semesters I kept away from him and not wanting to give him Rachel's number. Eventually Rachel gave him her number in the end at her own account. The worse that I never to hear was from Chang Feng when he told me that Rachel asked him to consider me. For that moment I was really angry. First of all, Rachel know that he is not a Christian so how can u as a friend as non Christian to consider me? Was that meant to be an insult? Secondly, I've told her before how this guy is as a person and I know him since Poly year 1 . So why are you making a ball or some sale item?
On Rachel's birthday, someone gave her an Ipod. I asked who gave it to her and all her answer was "A friend". I honestly can't be bothered to probe further because if she can give me that kind of answer as a friend for so many years, I don't see the reason why she can't give me more ridiculous answers. (Anyway, I found out it was from Jian Long) SO? What's the problem here?
So what about blogs nowadays? Everyone is counting whose blog is more popular with a counter and every time a conversation starts, it will kick off with 'You got read my blog?' If blog have become your way to communicate then I think I don't need to talk to you anymore. Cause I just need to read your life. It doesn't makes sense to me. For goodness sake, my blog has been for 2 years. All these while I've never identified anyone in my blog because I want to keep a certain degree of privacy for you and for myself. I've never like to mention names and what more photos where everyone can see it. Every entry I wrote it with my heart and pride. Do you know that I spent 2 days writing the Ophir's entry? And just by one statement from Rachel in my tagboard it crushed me. She said I copied Emmie's blog. Come on, go take a super good look at hers and mine and do the comparison. I wrote EVERY SINGLE DETAILS and all Emmie wrote was 'TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT'. I know you have different people in your life that you want to just be super close with her. I still a human after all. DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A BALL, SPARE TYRE AND AN ALIEN!!
Honestly I asked myself many times whether is there a problem lies with me or with my friends? Joyce left church because of Daryl (that's one of the reasons) and because she also felt that her friends around her had changed. I totally agree with that and I can feel it too. So much about friendships for many years. There are many other incidents that happened which I guess I've long forgotten them. Maybe after so long, these are the most recent ones that really hurt me a lot.
Don't come and tell me that I'm your good friend and you treat me like a spare tyre. I'm not your toy for you be play with.
I'm really tired with the people around me. I can't be bothered to many many extend. You do what you like and don't come near me. Because I no longer trust you anymore. Get lost! I think I don't need you in my life. Somehow friends in Poly are better...
posted by Michelle @ 9/22/2006 01:58:00 PM
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