For the people in my church, some I've known for close to 6 years. Sometimes I feel it's the closet people who will disappoint you the most, who will hurt you the most and you get the most heartaches from them. They can't talk things out properly.
I get all these from my friends. I just don't know why. I received a sms from Rachel today saying she don't want to be hyprocite towards me as in outside treat me very good and when I'm not around say all the bad things about me. Honestly, I have no idea what is wrong. I ask myself upteen times that what is wrong with me instead start pointing fingers at them. I've tried changing, I've changed for the better I hope. I have my own character and temperments.
Sometimes I just feel it's okay for me to give up the friendship. Really it's fine with me. Because it saves me a lot of heartaches. I don't live for the people around me. I live for God and for myself. Of course when I'm serving in a ministry I think of the people around me first before myself.
I hate all these kind of things. If they can't acceptance then fine. Take it or leave it. What else you want from me? I don't mind being alone. It's useless for me to cry like mad just because of some friendship problem.
It's all my fault then. I'm the biggest idiot in the world. I am always the bad guy wherever I go. Curse me then. Whatever that comes out from my mouth are bullshit, whatever I do are nonsensical. Why am I here then?
posted by Michelle @ 11/24/2005 05:59:00 PM
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