Little me in a little world of mine...

My world... my reveal...

This is a very super private blog that I've created. It's not meant for everyone to see but if there is a need to, I'll reveal it. Here is where I will reveal my true self, here is where I will reveal names, frustrations will truly show. It's probably for me, myself even God to see. It will be total transparent here.

I read Mark's private blog the other day. I was tearing after reading it. Because I realised how similar the process that we are going through / had gone through.

It has been 2 months and 1 week since Mun Loon and I broke up. These so many days have gone. These days are like hell to me. I work day and night, tuitions after tuitions, tutorials after tutorials trying to numb myself. I ask myself why he wants to do this to me, why just drop me like that. All the why-s.

Is he trying to play with my feelings? Toying me? After all the sweet talks then just a "I'm sorry", "love is a very strong word" and wash off everything? I can't accept that.

Honestly, whenever I pass by my favourite place at Woodlands in the train, I will think of him. I will think of our favourite place that we used to go twice a month (Harrys). It was a promise given to me that we would go during our holidays but that was an empty one. It didn't happen and we broke off.
He said he would cook for me, but an empty container given to him, it was given to me back empty.

What's a time out? And it all ended with a break up. Every night after my tuition, I just wish my handphone would ring, even a sms would do from him. But it never happen. It won't happen every again.

I love him too much. So much that I think I love him for than I love God. I'm guilty of that. To think that he is such a jerk, I still like him.

Even now, at my healing process, I cannot bring myself to face him. At some point I do hate him, I never want to see him, mentions of his name from my friends and I even wanted to run away from church. But I told myself I can't let this stop me from serving God in my ministry.

I really wish we didn't break up. I really wish we can be together again. The photo that we took, still in my phone. I can't even bear to sell it away. So many times, I wish I could share my joy, pains with you. But I know I can't.

I guess you have forgotten about us. I guess you have moved on. Probably you have found someone better than me. I wanted the friendship so much, but I guess you didn't want it at all. No more eye contacts, no more msn chats, no more sms, no more phone calls. It has been entirely cut off. Totally. But I can still remember your number, your email, your everything.

posted by Michelle @ 1/29/2005 01:49:00 AM